When it comes to the purpose of the class, I feel as though I have been able to gain a better understanding of just what it means to be a “researcher”.  I came into the class feeling slightly overwhelmed, but also with a sense of comfort because I was already involved in a qualitative research study and knew that I would be expanding on the knowledge I already had.  It felt good to get the viewpoints of others each week on not only the work that we’d be doing, but also on our researcher identities.  It became more evident to me each week the time and effort that each of us had placed into our study and it was inspirational to witness the personal connections people had with their topics.  I feel that I have gained so much knowledge of the realm of research because I now know that it’s just as important to share your findings and updates with others as it is to complete research…having the opinions of others is really important in pinpointing ideas that your own eyes are unable to see.  Also, it has been wonderful getting to the point where I am now-the one that accepts research as a significant part of this field, whereas before I would never have given it a second thought.  I came into the class (and independent study originally) with the mindset that research was something that “others do” and “I read” but am now ending the semester on a more positive note-one that allows me to realize that anyone can do research and anyone can become a researcher.

       When I think of qualitative research and what I have come to understand, the first thing that comes to mind is that this type of research is just as beneficial as quantitative research-just in a much different way.  I have come to find out that while these two types of research are helpful in gathering data and answering questions, it is quite a newfound perspective on research to look at things from a qualitative manner.  Throughout the years, it has been commonplace for quantitative research to take place and for numbers/charts/graphs/statistics to be the main way to show results and conclusions.  However, qualitative research is growing and becoming more accepted in today’s society, especially in our field.  I now know that while quantitative stats are important, so are concepts and ideas that are represented through qualitative data.  It has been really fun and interesting for me to begin a qualitative research study and to continually learn about what all it entails and how it is emerging.  I feel as though  this type of research suits my personality and the way I am because while I often want to know “why” something is, it is helpful to explore the paradigm of phenomenology as it aims to study lived experience.  I can draw conclusions and answer research questions without getting number results, but by getting themed results instead.  I have determined, through observations and interviews as data collection methods, just how two individuals have experienced their graduate curriculum-it is awesome to analyze this data because it inspires me to expand the study and gain an even better understanding of a wide variety of individuals experiences.  I have grown to like the qualitative aspect, as I’ve learned that it is somewhat the “outsider” of research…slowly making its way toward acceptance.

       As the semester has continued, I feel as though I have gained a good sense of my topic of study.  I have aimed to answer two research questions: 1-How do graduates in CSD programs experience the curriculum? and 2-What does it mean to be a graduate of a CSD program?  I feel that from doing an observation and interview with each of my two participants, that I have been able to gain a sense of how I could answer these questions (for these individuals of course).  Because it is a characteristic of qualitative research, one thing I have learned is that all of my participants are going to be different; nobody is going to have the exact same experiences or experience the same environment in the same way.  Thus, the main thing I have learned is that in order to draw conclusions from these data collection methods, I must stray away from personal biases that individuals may have toward their learning environment as well as toward individuals with which they came into contact with during their graduate experience.  I want to know strictly about the experiences of my participants, not particularly their likes and dislikes.  Also, another thing I have learned from conducting my study is that it is important to speak with people from a variety of settings; each person will have some sort of background that got them to where they are today and it’s important to consider these life experiences when attempting to answer research questions and achieve goals for the study.  Finally, when looking at my results, I have concluded that three of the most impacting themes on my participants were their connections to “master clinicians”, their issues with “setbacks and successes”, and their views on “inspiration”.  I hope that these themes are consistent as my study expands and I learn more about the experiences of additional graduates.

       Finally, when looking at what I’ve learned about myself…there is one main thing that comes to mind-I’ve learned that I am a researcher.  I’ve figured out that all it takes to become one with research is allowing yourself to explore and take on the challenge of learning about the unknown.  Being a researcher is not something that only adult professionals can do; it has been great to discover that I have more capabilities than I would’ve thought beforehand.  I have in a sense gained insight on my own researcher identity-that I have one!    I have learned throughout the semester that I am interested in helping people more than anything and that even though I am still highly interested in the young population, I can become fascinated with individuals at any age.  I have learned through my participant observations and interviews that I can picture myself working with children or older adults, either one.  I thoroughly enjoy the interaction with others and feel that it is greatly rewarding to be able to do both: help young children gain skills they’ve never developed, and also to help older adults regain skills they had once acquired.  Overall, I have learned that I am in the right field because I am very passionate toward helping people gain better communication skills that might allow them to lead a happier life.  I can only hope that I succeed in the future and become who I want to be!

       Also, reading the work of others really benefitted me in that not only could I gain feedback from opinions given me on my work, but I could also gain knowledge of just how others approached the written representation of their studies.  I was able to learn from their writing and ultimately gain new perspectives on how I could re-work my paper.  Not only this, but doing peer review is a great way for me to learn about the writing styles of my classmates and it generally leads me to be inspired in my own writings.  Peer review allows me to realize that there isn’t always one “right” way to do things, but that there are multiple approaches to conveying information and writing styles are just as unique as those who use them.

       I feel as though my report is coming along in that it seems to “fit together” better now that I have revised sections and got more experience with portrayal of a qualitative research study.  My information began as a straightforward piece that simply layed out the purpose and background for my study.  Once I gained a new direction, however, from both peer reviewing and personal inspiration, I was able to “spice it up” with some quotations from my data.  I feel more confident about how my intro now reads because it has a correlation to my study directly instead of just a description of it. 

       As for my methods and results, I feel that they are fairly simple to explain as I’ve described the process of collecting my data and what that data revealed.  When it comes to my meaning section, I found this to be slightly more difficult to devise because it cannot as easily be defined.  It is sometimes hard to stay in the qualitative mindset when thinking about the meaning behind the study’s results.  I found it especially hard to conceptualize the meaning behind my results because I felt as though I was not capable of truly knowing or understanding my participants graduate experiences after only one observation and interview with each.  I felt as though I was making assumptions as to why they felt the way they did, but I suppose if I have data to back up my conclusions, then I’m not actually “assuming”.  At any rate, it was awkward for me to completely feel confident in my meaning section because I suppose I could see my insecurities as a researcher began to be exposed.  For me, it’s easy to collect data and figure out how to record and analyze it, but it’s not so simple to create meaning from that data.

       Thinking back to Thursday at the convention, so many thoughts come to mind.  Initially I had pictured it taking place on a huge stage in front of a great audience.  However, after arriving to the conference room I began to feel more confident about the whole process.  Upon entering, I thought it was more personal and felt as though I was just another person reporting on a study, rather than a “speaker”.

       Of course, I am always nervous when it comes to public speaking so this was no surprise!  I wasn’t sure how those present would react to my qualitative study because I was aware that most would probably be of quantitative nature.  I really wanted people to ask questions because I thought it would be interesting and beneficial to hear the viewpoints of others outside the realm of Marshall (those who weren’t already familiar with my topic).  Even so, no questions were posed once I completed my presentation.

       Looking back on the convention, I realize that the audience wasn’t quite suited for the topic I was conveying because they were mostly students and not so much faculty.  It was still great, though, to hear the research that other students were doing and get informed about interesting topics as well.  It felt good to be able to experience what its like to be part of a state convention and I feel like I am now better prepared for the future.  Because of this, I hope to become a more professional and successful speaker because of this opportunity I was given.

       Though after the class in which we discussed the development of themes and gave examples of such I was not concerned, I soon realized that it was harder than it looked.  My data was relatively easy for me to code, but when it came to creating the “big picture” for themes, I felt as though I wasn’t properly representing my data.  I continuously felt as though I was leaving things out or not using themes that were suitable for how messages were conveyed.  Thus, I discovered that the theming process was a great deal more difficult for me than the coding process.

       One question that I kept asking  myself while trying to develop appropriate themes was, “how do I think broad yet specific at the same time?”…and this proved to be my main issue.  It took some time for me to be able to be confident in what I identified as common themes between all of my coded information.

       Also, I found it was difficult for me to feel as though I could incorporate each code word into a particular theme.  I ended up having to alter my code words and even re-define themes to be able to represent each component in the right way. 

       The themes that I came up with that encompassed nearly every concern expressed by my participants were “relationships with master clinicians,” “setbacks and successes,” and “inspiration”.  Each theme appeared to directly relate with one another, as they all correlated to the amount of achievement that these  two individuals were able to obtain in their graduate careers.  It was then apparent to me that I had finally narrowed down the proper themes when I was able to feel as though I had “covered all the bases”.  Each of these concepts made a significant impact on my participants and therefore affected just how they were able to experience their graduate curriculum.

       While initially coding my data, I did seem to think of numerous words off the top of my head that I felt best represented my information.  I was able to code each observation and interview and put together my list of code words with ease, but as I began to think about the overall themes of my data, things began to get a little more difficult.

       I had come up with code words that I thought were pretty reliable and reflective of my data, but as I began to attempt to develop recurring themes throughout these code words, I was not sure if I was going in the right direction.  Like I said, I had many code words but when I began to look back at those terms and try to think of a broader theme, I had trouble because I think when I coded originally I had used those broad themes here and there.  So basically I needed to go back through and pick out what was more specific and what was more broad and see how I could combine these ideas.

       By doing so, I realized that developing recurring themes can sometimes be harder than anticipated.  I had trouble deciding what was important and needed to be used and what could be left out.  Also, I began to wonder if the themes I was coming up with would accurately address my research questions in the way that I hoped.  A few of the main themes that I began to see were relationships, motivation, overcoming, and experience.  Both of my participants described their graduate education as a time that was highly influenced by relationships-whether they be with mentors, professors, classmates, etc.  In addition, my participants both talked about how they were self-motivated and had gone through some sort of challenging time in their life as a graduate student during which they had to overcome some sort of struggle to be successful.  Finally, these individuals each talked about the importance of gaining the greatest amount of experience as possible during their time as a graduate clinician because they felt as though these experiences helped to make them more well-rounded and an overall better person.

       Throughout the coding process and the development of recurring themes, I have learned that not everyone is going to look at data in the same way.  It is beneficial to get the opinions and input from others when doing these things because this would give you a better sense of the possibilities.  People think in different ways and sometimes just hearing someone speak on the same topic will give you a new sense of understanding.

       I feel that overall, this coding and theme generating experience has been good for me.  I have learned a lot about how to use more critical thinking to interpret data and analyze abstract ideas.  I feel that I am better prepared for the next time I need to look at data in this manner.

       When I arrived at this rehabilitation center, I was quite early and so I sat in my car and waited to go in. As the time drew closer, I proceeded to enter the center with slight anxiety about what was about to happen. I had been instructed by the SLP I was going to observe, whom I will call Katy, to enter the building and ask for her and then she would come escort me to where I needed to be. I did what she asked, but in doing so, was only directed down a long hallway with various rooms on each side. Thus, I had no idea where I was headed, but luckily ran into some ladies who appeared to work there and so I asked them where I could find Katy. They took me right to where she was, which by this time I had realized exactly where the room was and felt a little embarrassed for asking. One reason I may have felt so overwhelmed was because as I walked down this long hallway, there were quite a few rooms that were exposed to me and it was eye-catching to witness the different types of therapy being conducted what seemed to be out “in the open”. Anyway, as I met Katy for the first time I was pleasantly surprised at how kind and helpful she was. She then introduced me to her “boss,” whom had compiled a few papers for me to read over and sign as part of the facility’s policy for student observers. This woman was also very nice and friendly, telling me about her years as a student and how it was very common for this particular facility in which I was observing to allow students to come and learn and do things of that nature to gain better experiences in the various fields of rehabilitation therapy.

       After completing the paperwork, I was directed back to the room in which Katy was conducting a stx session. This session was almost over, but through her open door she waved me in. She introduced me to her client, whom I will call Henry. I was humbled in the fact that Henry had been through an extensive heart surgery with additional complications and was kind enough to let me sit in on his session with Katy. Feeling somewhat “in the way,” I just tried to take in all the information that Katy provided me with on Henry’s condition and the rehabilitation that was currently taking place. I took some notes on this event, but afterwards thought that this was just a good experience to get me comfortable with the surroundings and the facility in general.

       One of the most reassuring aspects of being a part of this first session was being able to see how Katy interacted with her clients and how they responded in return. She appeared to have quite a likeable personality and the types of qualities that would put clients at ease, no matter their difficulties. And though this gentleman was not very talkative due to his condition, he still responded and participated fully in all activities that Katy initiated. I was even able to have a little interaction with this individual, as he was responsive to the fact that I was a student observer.

       While I was not present the entire time, this session ended quickly and it was time for Katy to bring in her next client. This was the session that I really intended to participate in so I was very anxious to be a part of it as well. While Katy left the room for those few minutes, I began to look around the room and jot down the physical characteristics that I noticed. I felt that one reason I had a sense of uneasiness was not only because the environment was new and unfamiliar, but because it was overall different than the only setting I am used to. The sessions I witnessed did not take place in so-called observation rooms with double-sided mirrors, but rather they appeared to be in rooms more like offices-with desks, computers, and shelves.

       As Katy re-entered the room with her next client, I felt a little nervous because I didn’t know what this situation was going to be like but I also felt somewhat relieved because I was slightly more familiar with the surroundings than I was 20 minutes before. This client, whom I will call Lisa, had recently suffered from a stroke and was receiving therapy for slightly slurred speech. Like the previous session, Katy filled me in a little bit about what Lisa’s condition consisted of and what they were going to be working on in therapy. Lisa spoke for herself quite often, showing willingness to give me her personal information. I was very interested in this session because it was conducted in a more natural fashion that what I am used to. Though there was some structure, I feel that it was more conversationally based and comfortable for the client. I was very happy a few minutes into the session when I discovered how sweet and witty this client was; she would always tease Katy and there seemed to always be a smile on her face. It made me realize just how much our profession can make a significant impact on the quality of life of individuals. Katy had mentioned how Lisa appeared so much more “bubbly” than when she first arrived at the center, and Lisa said that she was feeling a lot better. I was just inspired because that tells you how much of an impact showing you care can do for someone. I thought, wow, if I had been the one who had a stroke I don’t think I could be this optimistic and persevering in my recovery. So, overall I was very touched by participating in both sessions but especially the second one because I was able to see the difference made in someone’s life.

       After the sessions, Katy informed me that if I ever needed anything to just let her know and that in itself made me feel relaxed and confident in what I was doing. It is nice to be put at ease when you are in an uncomfortable situation. And as I left the site, I thought to myself how amazing it was to be a part of such a great place- a place where people should only find themselves if they have the desire to be a positive impact on the lives of others. I felt as though I can see myself working in a rehabilitation facility because I want to be one who can do just that-make a difference, particularly in such a way that I can help others to regain abilities they once possessed to make their life that much better. So, I guess you could say I began this experience with excitement and ended it with enlightenment J

       When I approached the process of expanding my jottings into field texts, I was blown away by how much I thought I would remember but couldn’t.  I felt as though I had written enough detail that would allow my memory to be jogged and lead me to a better description, b ut that was not the case.  I ended up with basic events, a few quotes, and actions of the children who I had perceived as the ones who “stood out” the most.  As for all the others, I feel as though I let their descriptions “slip through the cracks” because I was more focused on the outgoing or misbehaving children.  I feel that I have learned that I need to be as detailed and specific as I can in order to be able to develop the most appropriate and expressive field texts as possible.

       Because my experiences with identity development span my entire life history, I am able to now consider what assumptions have brought me to where I am today in my beliefs on the topic.  What I have discovered is that during any certain moment in time, I have always assumed that a person is aware of exactly what identity he/she is assuming.  I know now that identities are sometimes not easily discernible and do take effort to expose.  Also, I have assumed that individuals holding a similar identity (i.e. teacher,SLP, etc.) have no difficulty in upholding this identity; I’ve always thought that doing so happened naturally.  Finally, my last assumption lies in the idea that only “experts” in particular fields are capable of conducting research on identity development and actually developing a reliable theory therafter.

       There are two goals in particular that have gained importance for my research.  One goal that has emerged for me is to discover just what the graduate clinician experiences.  In addition to this, my ultimate goal (on a personal level) is to be able to grasp my own identity through conducting this study as an aspiring graduate clinician myself.

       All of these experiences, assumptions, and goals have influenced my decision to choose this topic because I believe it is critical to be open-minded and learn to appreciate just how experiences lead to understanding of identity development.  This being said, I am curious to discover just how graduate clinicians experience their curriculum and how they perceive their own identity and thus how this curriculum might potentially be improved.

       *I feel that there are many potential advantages to these experiences, assumptions, and goals.  First of all, I have been given the desire to do research.  Next, I have been given the determination to discover just what I could potentially expect from a graduate clinician experience in our field.  Also, a positive aspect could also be that I will be exposed to commonalities between different individuals and thus have something to look forward to for my future.  Finally, an advantage would be that all of these aspects have sparked my curiosity and  allowed me to consider just what my current scholarly experiences mean to me.

       *A potential disadvantage of these aspects might include my personal biases about identity development.  Also, while my learning experiences have told me thus far that commonalities often arise in those with a common identity, I may be too focused on this and overlook important differences.  Finally, a disadvantage would be to assume that my graduate experiences (God willing) will be similar to those of whom I include in the study.  I would attempt to deal with these disadvantages by keeping an open mind and focusing on my main goal-to study the experiences of graduate clinicians, whatever those may be.  The key to this will be to realize that all information I gain will be of importance and will tell me something, regardless of whether or not I feel accomplished in the study.

       My story begins in the Fall of 2005 when I began my journey through higher education at Alderson-Broaddus College.  I chose this school because I was very biased with regards to its athletic department.  I had participated in many camps (softball and volleyball) and felt that since this was a very small college, it would be perfect for a girl like me coming from a historically small hometown.  The only downside for me with regard to the small size of A-B was determining what I would declare as my major, because there were not many options that would allow me to fulfill my passion of working with children.  Discovering that elementary education was one of my only options to do so, I went for that.  So, while yes this major had a lot to do with children, it also had a lot to do with teaching- the one thing I swore I would never do. 

       Despite this slight conflict, I continued with elementary education for 2 years, growing to enjoy the close-knit relationships I was able to develop with professors, classmates, and children in the schools.  So, I was able to deal with decision to pursue elementary education, but I was mostly satisfied with my softball career because after all, this was the sole reason for my attendance.  Unfortunately, during my second year at A-B I was devastated to find out that I needed wrist surgery to remove cysts.  While this wouldn’t “make or break” most individuals pursuing a college education, it completely put mine at a stand-still. 

       After having the surgery, I was told that by continuing to play such a contact sport like softball that the cysts would most likely reappear.  At this point, I was challenged to figure out just what I was going to do because now I was forced to face reality: I would be unable to afford A-B without my softball money.  This reality made me realize too that since I was already going to have to transfer schools, I might as well end my teaching career as well and choose something that I would truly be interested in.  I referred to this as the time in my life when I just needed to “change everything”.  I would no longer be playing softball and I would no longer be continuing with my major in elementary education; so, I spent what seemed like forever researching different programs in numerous school in the state of West Virginia. 

       I came across Marshall University and the Communication Disorders program and became really interested in what all it had to offer.  I discovered thereafter that MU and WVU were the only two schools in the state that provided opportunities for advancement in this field.  So, I decided that I would attend MU because for one, it was slightly smaller and two, it had what seemed like a better learning environment.  At this point, I felt as though I was an irresponsible individual in general for making the previous decisions in my life for the wrong reasons, and for all the time/effort/money that my parents had put into my education that I had seemingly ruined.  Even though I had these feelings then, my mother helped me every step of the way and always wanted me to pursue the career that was best suited for me and would allow me to have the educational success that she was never given the opportunity to obtain. 

       So, while all of the relationships I had developed at A-B would be greatly missed, I chose to pursue another direction in life and grew to be even more appreciative of the chances I was given, thanks to my amazing parents.  I know now, that these experiences I have described in my story have shaped me into the person I am today.  I have grown to love various aspects of the communication disorders field and along the way I have developed some amazing friendships and have been able to gain some wonderful experiences that have blessed me in many ways.  I feel that this time in my life was an overall positive learning experience because, though it had its downsides, it made me realize that change can be a good thing and that God truly will never give you more than you can handle.  I now have a successful career path, a number of new friends, a lifetime love, and a place in life.

      *At this point in my study, when considering places and people to incorporate, I have really tended to lean toward staying within the MU environment.  I was originally thinking about using MU graduate clinicians for the study, but then realized that there might be outstanding factors that may influence the reaction I get from them, such as their relationship to faculty or staff members.  So, now I am considering using those who have successfully completed the Communication Disorders Graduate Program at MU.  This way, there won’t be any conflict of interest involved.  So, that is where I am right now…however, I am friends with a graduate of another college and feel that it would be great to work with her in some way to find out about a perspecitve of someone not affiliated with MU.  At any rate, I am excited to get to the point of actually choosing a place and participants for the study—to get down to the overall goal: To find out what it actually means to be a graduate student in CSD programs.

       Possible research questions include:

1. What does it mean to be a health professional?
2. What clinical experiences do all of these health professionals have in common?
3. How do these health professionals view their clinical competence and performance?
4. How do these individuals understand the influence of their life experiences on their identity as health professionals?
5. What motivates these persons to uphold the identity they develop as experienced health professionals?

       All throughout growing up, my immediate family was not what was exactly considered the “norm” (if there is such a thing).  My mother was a stay at home mom and my dad was gone frequently with his construction job.  So, when I began school my mother was my biggest influence.  She and my father as well did not have the opportunity growing up to pursue education beyond high school, so that struggle in itself lead my parents to develop greater aspirations and goals for me.  They were always very supportive when it came to my education (and still are) as they would assist me in any way they could, whether it be reading to me or just helping me understand what my assignments were.  My mother was always a very active volunteer at my elementary school and my early years through middle and high school.  She would work get herself involved in any way she could to become a bigger part of my life outside of our home.  My father, as I said was not around as often as my mother to help with things, but he made sure to let me know that he was there if I needed him.  He left most of the “school-stuff” to my mother, but would try to give his assistance when he had the time.  So like many families, my parents were able to help me when I was younger with academics, but when higher level education came around-that of which they had never experienced-I was sort of “on my own” to figure things out and discipline myself in such a way that would allow me to be successful independently.  Even so, I still had the support of them the whole time and if there was ever anything they could do for me, they would do it.  So, for me, my mother had more of an influence on my educational experiences and development, but getting a college education was always the ultimate goal for me because my parents wanted me to have all the opportunities that they weren’t given.  So, basically, it was never a question that college was going to be in my future.

       Being as how my mother was my biggest role model when it came to education and really growing as a person, I feel that she has affected my thinking and practice as a student the most.  She was always the one beside me, pushing me to do better.  Her attitude and practicality has made me the person I am today, though I do strive to be more like her (I know, nobody ever thinks they want to be like their mother, but you find out otherwise as you get older).  She is always punctual, realistic, and responsible in everything she does and I admire her so much.

       Though I do feel like I have been affected by the values and attitudes of my parents, I do not feel as though they have made a substantial influence on my choice of major.  As I began college, though, I was majoring in elementary education because of my love for children and throughout those two years of study, I realized that maybe the school setting wasn’t for me.  I transferred to Marshall and then stumbled upon the Communication Disorders major, which I thought sounded really interesting.  Needless to say, I pursued the major and have come to realize that not only will I be able to work with children (my passion) but I will also be able to expand my horizons and learn to interact effectively many different types of people.  So, while my parents may not have truly influenced my major choice, they have surely impacted the attitude and motivation that I have carried with me throughout my life, particularly as a scholar.